


Harsh Weather

by narwhalpuppy



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 03:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13402542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narwhalpuppy/pseuds/narwhalpuppy
Summary: Princess Carolyn encourages Bojack Horseman to fly to New York where a playwright wants to cast him in a Broadway Play.





	Harsh Weather

NOTE: Two months ago my family and I discovered NetFlix. Watched Bojack Horseman and I've been hooked ever since. It's my new favorite thing! This is my very first BoJack fanfiction so if you don't like it, don't speak and forever keep your words to yourself. I'm New to the show and I did some research on Bojack Horseman while I was watching it to get to know the show better. Thank you! 

 

BoJack Horseman Presents

 

A Narwhal Puppy Production.

 

Harsh Weather

 

The land of Hollywoo. An alternate universe there human and anthropomorphic animals co exist. There lived a has-been horse actor who used to be very famous in the 1990s named BoJack Horseman. BoJack was in a wildly popular sitcom called Horsin' Around. The show was in the same vein as Full House. About a horse who adopts orphan kids. He had a rival named Mr. Peanutbutter who too had his own sitcom. Ever since Horsin' Around got cancelled, BoJack struggled to maintain his fame and make a comeback. Trying to hold onto his past. As Bojack was doing so, he developed drug and alcohol addiction and depression. His variety show "The BoJack Horseman Show" only lasted a few episodes but that was a memory he was content to forget. 

As BoJack was standing over Sarah Lynn's grave. He bonded with the child star who played a girl he adopted on the show. Both from abusive homes. in BoJack's case his father, in Sarah Lynn's case her stepfather. Sarah Lynn's mother was an overbearing stage mom. Sarah Lynn actually wanted to quit acting and become an architect. Her mother wouldn't allow it. Sarah Lynn became a slutty pop star that lead to her overdose. "We're all just tiny specks". BoJack murmured. His manager and former girlfriend Princess Carolyn came to the scene. "You miss her, do you." asked the cat. "Yes." BoJack said as he reached for a beer bottle. 

"Got some good news I think you might want to hear." announced Princess Carolyn. BoJack was reluctant and didn't really want to hear. "Since when is that possible?" asked the washed up cynical horse actor. "You know how you wanted to make a comeback?" asked Princess Carolyn. "At this rate, I don't think I ever will." stated BoJack. "Now listen to what I have to say, you can't just sit around and mellow like an ass." Princess Carolyn demanded. "All right. I could use a distraction." BoJack agrees to listen. Princess Carolyn began, "Just got off the phone with a playwright. I told them about how you're trying to come back to acting and regain your fame." "Playright? Yeah, bullshit!" huffed BoJack. 

"It's true! Can I continue? Thanks. They're interested in you. They loved your show Horsin' Around. Now they want to see you so you can audition for a Broadway Play! They want to cast you in the lead of 9!" Princess Carolyn said. "Really? In Broadway? Isn't that in New York?" inquired BoJack. "Yes! You always said you wanted to get away from Hollywoo! And what better way for a has-been to make a comeback than in Broadway! Will you do it?" asked Princess Carolyn. Bojack stood tall and decided to give Broadway a try. "I will!" BoJack phoned Mr. Peanutbutter to tell him the great news!" "Guess what, Mr. Peanutbutter! I'm gonna be a Broadway Star!" 

BoJack's hopes of regaining his fame have him excited. "Now I can put behind my sitcom past in Hollywoo and look toward the future in New York!" 

 

* * * 

 

Princess Carolyn booked them all a flight to New York City. However, there was 15 feet of snow there. Snowflakes were slowly falling. They all took a limo from JFK airport to the Hilton Times Square. Princess Carolyn leads the way inside as Mr. Peanutbutter and Bojack follow her. Mr. Peanutbutter, BoJack assumed thought he came along for moral support, since they've been rivals. Mr. Peanutbutter secretly wants BoJack to fail. "Now listen up. These are very sophisticated playwrights. Don't make an ass of yourself in front of them." warned Princess Carolyn. "Yes your bitchiness!" laughed BoJack. "We used to date so Inever forgot how bitchy you can be!" BoJack turned to Mr. Peanutbutter, "You're such a good sport for coming, Mr. Peanutbutter!" "Always want to support my friend!" snickered Mr. Peanutbutter. The lobby had a swanky party going on. 

"New York, I can get used to this! Swapping coasts! Nice change of pace!" BoJack boasted confidently. "Who knows? Maybe you'll bomb his audition like you always do, and they'll choose me to star in this play instead!" Mr. Peanutbutter teased. "Keep dreaming, asshole!" sneered BoJack. One of the playwrights named Necky Longneck who was a Giraffe that talked in a British accent much like Patrick Stewart shook Princess Carolyn's hand. "Pleased to meet you." the giraffe playwright said. Necky Longneck walked up to BoJack. "I say there. You the famous BoJack Horseman, are you not! You're exactly what we're looking for!" BoJack shook Necky Longneck's hand. "In case you don't like him, you can use me! And I don't mean for sex!" Mr. Peanutbutter announced as Princess Carolyn jabbed him in the ribs. "Stop! You're embarrasing me!" 

"My fellow playrights and I want you do an audition for 9! If you're very good after that, you can star in Rent!" said Necky Longneck then continued trying to please BoJack Horseman, "Did I mention Horsin' Around was also a hit in England?" "Where do I start?" asked BoJack. The other playwrights were animals like elephants, hippos, tigers, and flamingoes. "You can start right here in you want. Just read this line from the play. We'll all watch you!" The playrights gathered around to see BoJack audition. "Oh and did I mention 9 was inspired by a Fellini movie called 8 1/2? The main character in it I think you'll relate to. He makes a hit movie and struggles to make a comeback just as you are now!" Necky Longneck explained. 

BoJack read the line, "What would you like to see that I haven't already shown you?" 

Mr. Peanutbutter laughed, "You all should've made him read the part where they said, 'I'll be waiting for you with my legs open!" "There you go again! Enough!" hushed Princess Carolyn. 

The playrights were impressed. "Excellent! Superb! We'll see you tomorrow 8 am sharp!" BoJack was ecstatic. "Yes! Yes! Yes! BoJack the Broadway star! This is exactly what I needed! Go F*ck yourself Hollywoo!" 

"Now don't be so hard of Hollywoo, that place made you what you are today!" said Princess Carolyn. BoJack soon calmed, "Yeah, you're right." then he looked up, "Hope you're proud of me Sarah Lynn." Remembering his deceased co star. "She would want you to move on." assured Princess Carolyn. Necky Longneck said, "Help yourselves to the hor'dourves!" leading them to the long table. "You made a huge mistake casting him. Ever since he took up drugs and alcohol he's been sleeping in until 3pm!" warned Mr. Peanutbutter. Necky Longneck ignored Mr. Peanutbutter's remark. 

Bojack then sees some cocaine at the table and sniffs it without anyone looking. Then BoJack engulfs an entire bottle of champagne. "What are you doing? You need to be serious about this." said Princess Carolyn. "I am. Can't a guy celebrate?" asked BoJack. 

 

* * * 

 

Princess Carolyn looks at BoJack with a hint of concern as she sees him snorting up cocaine and drinking champagne. "First you embarrass me, now him!" scoffs Princess Carolyn as she implied to Mr. Peanutbutter. "Leave this to me, I'll get through to him." assured Mr. Peanutbutter. "You need to do something, you're both making a fool out of me and yourselves in front of these sophisticated playrights!" shouted Princess Carolyn. Then the pink cat added as she facepalmed, "BoJack, can't you celebrate after you've done the play?" Mr. Peanutbutter walks up to BoJack casually. 

"Well, well well!" taunted the labrador retriever. "Won't you look at that! BoJack Horseman. Broadway Star! You're already toking and drinking just like that shortly landing a role!" 

BoJack Horseman being addicted to drugs always jumped at a chance to get high. As an excuse for celebrating being a lead in a Broadway Play. This lead to a back and forth confrontation between the two former sitcom stars. 

"Shut up! You're just jealous that I got a part in a play and you didn't!" BoJack retorted sounding high and drunk.

"After this one, perhaps they will cast you in The Sound of Music as Maria Von Trapp!" laughed Mr. Peanutbutter who then imitated BoJack singing in a slurred voice, "The Hills Are Alive with The Sound of Music!" 

BoJack warned his former sitcom rival, "Don't make me hurt you, stop being a dick you son of a whore!" 

"They think you're the man for this role. Even if you do make a comeback in Broadway. In the end, you're just a lowdown, pathetic drug addicted drunken asshole shitfaced has been who was in a sitcom that was a carbon copy of Full House!" spat Mr. Peanutbutter.

"So was your show.......You said you came to support me and......." BoJack's coming up with a snappy witticism came to an end as he hallucinated that the snow outside was a tropical paradise. "mama, I'm coming home....."

"I tried......just was trying to be a friend...." Mr. Peanutbutter walked off feeling that he failed trying to get through BoJack. "You're a big man for that." Princess Carolyn said patting his back. 

BoJack proceeded to take off all his clothes until he was in his boxers. Princess Carolyn, Mr. Peabutbutter, Necky Longneck and the other playwrights stared at the washed up horse sitcom star as he was walking out into the exit out into the snow.

"BoJack! What the HELL are you doing?" yelled Princess Carolyn. "I'm beginning to recant my decision of casting this fool!" said Necky Longneck. "Don't go out there! It's the dead of winter!" shouted Mr. Peanutbutter. "What are you talking about! It's Hot out!" 

It was too late to stop BoJack. "Ralph Stilton will be disappointed". thought Princess Carolyn out loud that her former mouse boyfriend owned some stocks in the Hilton Hotels. BoJack got a bottle of champagne, put on some sunglasses. Then sat on the porch outside thinking it was a lounge chair as he hollered with a cheer. "WWOOOOO!!!!! PARTY!" Tiny snowflakes landed on BoJack that he dismissed them as sweat. "Look at this," laughed BoJack. "Caught between a shit and a sweat! Can't wait for my Broadway debut! Is that why we came to New York? Ehh, can't remember." The cocaine and champagne effected BoJack's memory a little. Princess Carolyn and Mr. Peanutbutter try to convince him to come back in from the cold. "It's not hot out!" 

 

"You're going to freeze your ass off!" 

"Come back in!" 

Bojack's response was, "It IS hot! Look at this! I'm sweating! See?" BoJack wiped the snowflakes from his chest. "That's snow you dumb asshole!" shouted Mr. Peanutbutter. The playwrights and Necky Longneck looked at BoJack with disbeilef. "Don't worry people. He's just....I don't know what he's doing." announced Princess Carolyn. "If BoJack ever sobers up, tell him the deal is off!" said Necky Longneck. "No wait! Give him another chance!" Princess Carolyn begged but Necky ignored her plea. "All he wants his more fame!" 

Hours later, Princess Carolyn and Mr. Peanutbutter hang around the swanky party in hopes that BoJack will come back to his senses. "Holy Crap! BoJack!" Mr. Peanutbutter coming to the realization that they forgot about him being in those sub zero temperatures. Princess Carolyn and Mr. Peanutbutter run out to the exit only to see BoJack was frozen stiff as if he was encased in an ice cube his size. Also had a champagne bottle in his stuck frozen stiff in his hand. "Oh no! What do we do?" panicked Princess Carolyn. "Guess we will have to thaw him out in a bathtub." suggested Mr. Peanutbutter. "Yes, good luck trying to find some hot water in this cold winter." said Princess Carolyn. "We are in a swanky hotel so there's got to be some!" said Mr. Peanutbutter. 

"Right! When he thaw him out, we'll try to talk Necky Longneck into hiring him back!" planned out Princess Carolyn. "Sounds like a plan Just pray it will work. If BoJack doesn't get his fame back, he will be in a deep depression forever!" spoke Princess Carolyn as she and Mr. Peanutbutter carried Bojack's frozen body out of the lobby and into an elevator. "Isn't Disney's Frozen a musical, too? Maybe BoJack can be in that and sing 'Let It Go!'"! Joked Mr. Peanutbutter. "Whatever." said Princess Carolyn. 

Mr. Peanutbutter knocked on a door of the rooms in the hotel. "This is the police! We need to commandeer your room!" he shouted. "No one is in there." said Princess Carolyn. The door opened and a Mexican Janitor ran out, "Nada! Nada! Ess Cinco Zero!" "Now is our chance!" Princess Carolyn said. Mr. Peanutbutter filled up the bathtub with hot water and put BoJack in it. "Hope he isn't dead of hypothermia." Princess Carolyn stated attentively. "He's got to come back! He's got to! Come on, BoJack! Come back to us!" yelled Mr. Peanutbutter although they were rivals, Mr. Peanutbutter still cared for BoJack. 

Within minutes, BoJack was coming to. Responding to the hot water that woke him from his frozen temporary coma. "Uhh, uhhhh, where am I?" he asked. "BoJack! You're back!" cheered Princess Carolyn. "Tomorrow morning, we'll drive you to the Broadway Theater so you can audition!" promised Mr. Peanutbutter. "I can just feel it now! My comeback is going to come true!" said BoJack. 

 

* * * 

 

The next morning, driving through the snow the best they could. Mr. Peanutbutter found the Broadway Theater and him, BoJack, and Princess Carolyn walk inside to find Necky Longneck. The trio found his office and BoJack feeling hopefully possibly too hopeful, happily walked, in to meet Necky Longneck. "I'm here, bee-yotch! Ready to be in 9!" "I'm afraid I have some terrible news." spoke Necky giving BoJack a blank stare. "Sit down." BoJack sat down looking worried. "You promised me a comeback in Broadway! What's the problem?" "After that disaster fiasco you did getting high and drunk. Then went outside in freezing cold thinking it was hot, we don't think you're the man for our play 9. Good day!" Necky Longneck uttered. 

BoJack walked out of Necky's office disgraced. Mr. Peanutbutter ran in. "You know, look no further! I can be in your play!" "Get out! And take your cocaine fuel, champagne chugging friend with you!" shouted Necky. Soon afterward, BoJack, Mr. Peanutbutter, and Princess Carolyn flew back to Hollywoo. BoJack Horseman once again blew another chance for a comeback as he walked into his house where he saw his mooching roommate Todd Chevez resided laying on the couch.

"How did your Broadway audition go?" Todd asked. "Terrible. I just can't make my big comeback anywhere! Not in Hollywoo, New York! I'll be lucky if I can host a Radio Show in Chicago like Danny Bonachue!" said BoJack. "Got something that will make you feel better!" Todd jumped off the couch and showed BoJack a bong looking straw with a ball at the end. "What could this be?" asked the horse. "It's meth! Amazing stuff! Scored some and tried it while you were doing your New York Gig!" Todd offered. 

BoJack, feeling hopeless and sad. Being the miserable, despondent washed up Horse Actor he was. Agrees to try the meth. The meth doesn't agree with BoJack as he was having the same reaction that he did in New York when he mixed Cocaine and Champagne. "Talk about enough to knock out a horse." Todd said as he watched BoJack walk outside. "Don't be dying on me, bitch!" shouted Todd at BoJack. 

Just as before, BoJack had another hallucination. Being back in Hollywoo, BoJack's vision was now a snowstorm. "Brrrr, it's cold! Better bundle up!" BoJack got a heavy jacket, hat, gloves, and boots and headed outside and was now walking to the beach. "Better follow him." Todd spoke to himself. In Venice Beach, BoJack was walking in heavy clothes in 89 degree weather. The beach goers were laughing at him. Bojack walked past his ghost whiter, Diane Nguyen. "Hey, Diane! You're gonna freeze!" Diane growled angerly. "Diane, have you seen BoJack?" asked Todd in distressing concern. "Just past the son of a bitch!" Diane pointed. 

BoJack yelled at the beach goers who laughed at him, "Go inside and stay warm! A snowstorm is here!" But the blistering heat stopped BoJack dead in his tracks as he struggled to move on the bumpy beach. "Must go on......must go on......must go........so much snow! must......keep.....walking........snow....snow.....snow......but for some reason it's hot......snow......snow!" BoJack collapsed and he hallucinated that he melted thus he gurgled before he hit the ground. Todd and Diane run to him. "BoJack! BoJack! Are you okay?" "Get a bucket....I melted...." BoJack gasped. "Get an ambulance!" called Diane. 

In Cedars Sinai Hospital Princess Carolyn, Mr. Peanutbutter, Todd, and Diane were waiting for BoJack to wake up. "Not this again!" said Princess Carolyn. BoJack had to get his stomach pumped and was on dialysis for 48 hours. Bojack was beginning to wake up. "What's going on? What happened? Did you guys carry me here in a bucket? I did melt you know." Bojack confusedly said. 

"BOJACK! YOU'RE ALIVE!" cheered Todd. "The doctors said they pumped your stomach and your kidneys are now cleaned." said Diane. "You'll be better in no time!" said Mr. Peanutbutter. "Thanks guys. Guess I'm not ready to handle meth yet." said BoJack. "Wait? You melted? What did you mean by THAT?" Princess Carolyn vexed. "While I was on meth I got confused by the weather again just like back in New York. So I explained to the doctors that I melted and they told me it was the drugs that made me think I melted." BoJack explained.

"Doesn't matter. What's important is you're going to make a full recovery! We will start partying again!" said Todd. Diane began, "Princess Carolyn and Mr. Peanutbutter what you did in New York. So I will include that scene and what occurred in Venice Beach in your autobiography." 

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" screamed BoJack knowing that Diane had a stubborn side about her and stating the truth. "Have to be accurate!" said Diane. "We got our BoJack back!" Mr. Peanutbutter said. "I was so worried I thought you died!" said Todd. BoJack was eventually released from Cedars Sinai hospital. BoJack was back in his home sitting on the diving board to his swimming pool. Looking up into the sun, hoping for the day when he can finally make his comeback debut. 

 

The End

 

In closing: Sorry to all you long time Bojack Horseman fans who read this and thought the characters were acting out of character. Keep in mind this was my first try at a BoJack Horseman fanfiction. I'm not changing or erasing it. This fanfiction is staying as it is. 

You're all probably wondering why I wrote three fanfictions in three weeks. The reason for that is I had some time off during the Holidays so all these fanfictions I wrote were pre-written then I waited until Janurary to publish them. Have an awesome day! 

 

The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production


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